its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
do herpes really smell.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
