I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
