please come you make the beer taste better
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
