Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
