zippers are such a cool invention
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
