i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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