What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize
