i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
