I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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