Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
