used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
