My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
