watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
