The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Come on in and take your pants off
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