Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
it's great music for shaving your balls
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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