Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
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