I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
