Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
