I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
