i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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