I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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