if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Randomize
