he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
