Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
