Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
