I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
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