My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
