So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
