Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
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