So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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