The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
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