Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Well I just put wine in my tea
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
