i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
