your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
this boner is exhausting
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
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