Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Randomize
