Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
