as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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