"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
