I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
