his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
