Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
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