He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
