I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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