Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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