Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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