Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
