will power is for people who don't want to get laid
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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