Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
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I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
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