he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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