he told me I talked like a deaf person
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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