the condom got lost in my hair
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
