Dual....:-)
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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