what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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