If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
