I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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