i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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