Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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