I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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