it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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