She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
