Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Randomize
