Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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