My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
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