Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Randomize
