Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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