You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
