I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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