Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
