he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
