its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
he thought i was a dude.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
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Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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