You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
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