I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
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they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
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It's no shave November. This is our time.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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