OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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