so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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