Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
