carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
