its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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