The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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