you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
