i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
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