My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
